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Joke of the Day

"Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up."

"Remember to crowd around the baggage carousel like it's armageddon and the bags are the last remaining food items on earth, you animals."

"My mom made some french fries for you guys... but you were dicks about it because they were potato quality."

"My Garden Statue Called In Sick Today He has Gnome-onia."

"Bring in 2015 the same way you came into this world. Naked and screaming."

"Putting captions in the wrong place You know what I hate the most...?"

"I recently got a job in the fast food industry, changed my name to Fedora Everyone tips fedora!"

"Now taking pre-orders for my ""Running after the Ice Cream Truck"" fitness workout DVD."

"Me: *enters exam room Doctor: Please take off your... M: *unbuttons pants D: ?? M: *pauses* D: GLASSES! D: I'M AN EYE DR DAMNIT!"

"There is no ""me"" in team. No, wait, yes there is!"