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Joke of the Day

"""How hard up for cash do you have to be to wear a chicken suit & wave at cars,"" I think, adjusting the beak protruding from my forehead"

Next Joke
 
"He slapped his two inches on the doctors desk. The doctor said ""What is wrong with it?"" ""It's swollen."""
"[caught hiding something in the garbage] gf: are you eating hot wings again? me: no gf: oh really, then touch your eyes me: god damnit"
"Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It's an absolute mystery as to why though. The plot thickens..."
"I went into hospital for keyhole surgery. I woke up with lock-jaw. The nurses are still looking into it."
"Why doesn't Pacman use Twitter? He doesn't like being followed."
"Why was the plumber stressed? He had a high pressure job"
"Kanye West Running For President 2020"
"Overactive Bladder Hotline. Can you hold please?"
"*interrogating a baby* ""Any first words?"""