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Joke of the Day

"GOD: Let's give her ALL the awesome. ""But what if it's TOO much awesome?"" GOD: Then we'll divide it evenly between multiple personalities."

"At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds.... ...Only 15 pounds to go."

"What ethnicity is Santa? North Poleish"

"""Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."""

"Hey, black licorice, stop calling yourself ""candy"". You are nothing but a chewy fart and we both know it."

"Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle."

"Weighing elephants is .. A large scale problem."

"""The best part of waking up was the Folgers in my cup"" - Suicide note, first draft"

"Ate way too much..I'm gonna go to Africa and throw up everything I just ate for all the starving children..yes I do have a generous side."

"A man was eaten when he attempted to tell a joke directly to a crocodile's mouth. He didn't live to tell the tail."