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Joke of the Day

"Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother."

"Did you hear about the fugitive midget psychic? He's a small medium at large."

"One of the worst things you can possibly do to someone is return their text with a call."

"If you asked everyone in the world whether they preferred bunnies or rats The results would be a little lop-sided."

"I remember your face, and I even remember what we talked about, but what the hell was your name again?!"

"Eomer gets off of his horse and says, ""What business does an elf, a man and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?"" A nearby horseman answers, ""Ooh! Ooh! I know this one!"""

"Look at each failure as a deposit made into the account that will help you write the check for your next significant success."

"Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"* Runs Baywatch-style into oncoming traffic *"

"The cucumbers are taking over my garden and trying to starve all the other vegetables out. It's a war of nutrition."