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Joke of the Day

"My friend and I were talking about food and he said ""I'm not a big Chinese guy"" and I was like ""I know you're not"""

"What kind of punch hurts the most? A Sandy Hook."

"What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy"

"What do you get if you chop off Trump's hand? A Trump stump!"

"I don't mean to brag, but I just completed my 21 day diet in 3 hours and 15 minutes."

"When I think of you, I touch myself. With my finger. In the back of my throat to help me vomit because you make me nauseous."

"Why are women so odd? Because they can't even. Huh huh?"

"Chuck Norris doesn't have hairy balls because hair does not grow on steel."

"If I was a doctor, every now and again I'd eat a giant burrito then give myself a sonogram."

"Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job? Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic."