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Joke of the Day

"Knock knock... Who's there? *sigh* Mormons..."

"What type of fruit can you not eat just one of? A Pair!"

"How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to get up on his high horse and another to chastise the first about oppressing horses."

"Have your tribal tattoo call my tramp stamp and let's make beautiful, douchey babies together."

"I always greet new people with 'Expelliarmus' ..... it tends to be pretty disarming"

"It's not that hard to tell alligators and crocodiles apart... ...One will see you later, whereas the other will see you in a while."

"Have you heard that HPV had spread to birds? It has caused multiple cases of aviary cancer."

"*Stands at produce aisle *Grabs GIANT zucchini *Holds it high in the air *Yells: Is THIS cucumber big enough for you, honey?!?!?!"

"Drinking wine & throwing away photos of my ex. This is how Lifetime movies start."

"Best joke ever I used to cry when my dad cut up onions Onions was a good dog"