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Joke of the Day

"No thanks, 28 yr old hitting on me at the bar... With our age difference, I wouldn't be a cougar... more like a saber-toothed tiger."

"How does Mike Tyson track Will Smith in the snow? He looks for fresh prints."

"How to spell ""me"" A man walks up to a woman and asks her to spell the word ""ME"" for him. She says, ""M-E"". The man says, ""But you forgot the D!"" ""But there's no ""D"" in ""ME""!"" He says, ""Not yet.."""

"If I had a penny everytime I was one cent short for a beer I'd have become an alcoholic."

"How many mexicans does it take to build a house in.... Shit he's done"

"Telling people my costume is Obama's birth certificate. If they say I have no costume, I fucking explain the facts to that racist fuckbag."

"4-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom and they never stopped asking questions. 4: Why?"

"First Review in for ""The Force Awakens"" Absolutely to die for"

"...we came in"" Roger Waters favourite line is ""Is this where..."

"Broken puppets for sale... No strings attached."