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Joke of the Day
"TL; DR: Action hero references Oedipus Die Hard's John McClane and his catchphrase . . ."
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"This absolutely killed me when somebody told me this in a lecture last week... What do you do if you come across a Tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise."
"I caught a big fish! I was going to mount it, but there were people around! Source: Emo Philips"
"Who's the laziest doctor at the hospital? ''Doctor Dolittle.'' EDIT: The doctor off that movie that talks to the animals."
"The cops arrested my phone yesterday. They charged it with battery."
"A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ""I'll have a pint of beer and a.......... packet of peanuts."" The bartender asks, ""Why the big pause?"""
"I got one for you guys... Donald Trump"
"1am: Huh, I'm not tired... 2am: I feel great! Maybe I don't need sleep? 3am: LET'S EXECUTE EVERY IDEA I'VE EVER HAD. 3:04am: Euthanise me."
"My boss asked me how many Galaxy Note 7s I ended up selling to the public. Unfortunately, I couldn't recall."
"What's the difference between a penis and a red light? My girlfriend won't blow a red light."