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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever wondered? What it could be loike?"

"*crawls up from backseat* *slowly pulls off paper bag from head* What? No... I'm not embarrassed by your driving"

"What rhymes with orange? no, it doesnt."

"Morning wood starts the best fire."

"[parent/teacher meeting] ""you must've read to him as a baby"" *leans forward in little desk* lady, I didn't even know him when I was a baby"

"Why did the black man walk backwards? I have no idea, Your Honor, but he was coming right at me and I felt my life was at risk."

"How can you tell that microchips are made in the US and not the UK? Because if they were made in the UK they would be called microcrisps."

"Knock knock. Who's there? Fucked-up Joke Frog. ""Fucked-up Joke Frog"" who? To get to the other side."

"My pupil is dilated... ...6 inches. Guess I shouldn't have believed her nine months ago when she said she was on the pill. 13 year old girls are such liars."

"How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots."