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Joke of the Day

"You don't have to write 'Twitter addict' in your bio. Your 58675687K tweets give it up by themselves."

"there's literally no way to know for sure how many chameleons are chillin in your house right now"

"Ever had to force a smile while someone takes forever trying to figure out how to use the camera? That's how teenagers feel 24 hours a day."

"I like my coffee how i like my women, Without a dick."

"My first anal was like getting my first car I didn't wanted it m,but dad gave it to me anyway"

"I put my pants on like everyone else: with difficulty, blaming the dryer for shrinking them."

"Why do meth addicts prefer to do it doggy style? So they can both look out the window."

"Women are generally speaking"

"Nice being home from work so I can finally continue sitting only now it's in a slightly more comfortable environment."

"Listening to coworkers try and explain Fight Club to another coworker and all I could think was ""we really shouldn't be talking about this""."