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Joke of the Day
"Asians are so bad at driving... I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was just an accident."
Next Joke
"Is anyone on Twitter named Sarah Connor? If so, where do you live? Nothing to worry about, just a simple survey for my neural net processor."
"Don't hate the player, play the player. They never see that coming."
"My girlfriend is adorable, smart, sexy, and looking over my shoulder as I type."
"Movies taught me that if your kid is talking to ghosts, alone in their room, leave that brat in there, and run while you're still alive."
"A horse walks into a bar The bartender asks ""why the long face?"" The horse unable to understand human speech promptly takes a dump on the floor and leaves"
"What do you call a sapling in the military? An Infantry! (Infant tree, a sapling is a baby/young tree? Ah forget it!)"
"What if bananas turn black and bruised because they run their own fight club when we're not around?"
"My girlfriend wanted me to make her feel like she's the only girl in the world. So I signed her up for Electrical Engineering."
"Why did the salmon cross the road? Cuz it's fucking flooded."