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Joke of the Day

"My car has a GPS, but when I get lost I still usually just end up busting out a globe"

"Elevator is broken. Had to use the other one. #firstworldproblems"

"*lays in bed for 12 hours I guess I'll get up now *walks over to couch & lays down"

"What type of belly buttons do cars have? Audi's."

"Where did the King keep his armies? Up his sleevies!"

"*Cookie Monster finishes cookie, looks into camera* ME WANT TO TALK ABOUT ISRAEL"

"I met a girl who said she orgasmed every time she sneezed I asked her what she took for that. She said usually pollen or ragweed"

"""The princess dies. And then the people trying to save her die. Dragon guarding the castle? Dead"" - Bedtime at George R.R. Martin's house"

"Why isn't it safe to hunt niggers anymore? Because PETA will freak out."

"I buried my head in my girlfriend's breasts tonight when we had a deep, intellectual conversation I just had to rack my brain to figure it out."