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Joke of the Day

"4 AM BLADDER: Get up. You need to go STOMACH: And you're hungry BRAIN: Imagine if Hammer Time was a real time zone. We'd have to move there"

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"Ok Chicago, please be responsible. If the game doesn't go your way tonight... At least act like you've been there before."
"What do you call someone who serves smelly drinks? a Fartender"
"Obama: ""Anybody else wanna see my birth certificate?"" Drops mic, walks away."
"Writing a good joke is an art form and some of you need to stick to coloring books."
"I need a punctuation mark that is halfway between a period and an exclamation point so I can answer texts without sounding bored or insane."
"What's black and comes in little white cans? My favorite Michael Jackson joke."
"I love trigger warnings... They help victims of abuse know what's ahead, and they help me spot Trump supporters."
"Why does Santa have 0 children? He only comes once a year and its a down a chimney."
"Riding with Uber earlier.. The driver said, ""I love my job, I am my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."" Then I said, ""Turn Left."