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Joke of the Day

"[at daycare] Me: I'm here to pick up my son Daycare: what's he look like? Me: *points to my face* D: oh. Ok"

"Why should you never date a tennis player? Cause love means nothing to them"

"I imagine one day my dearest friends will say at my funeral, ""Wow. What an idiot. Who chokes to death on orange sherbet?"""

"Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. It takes an average of 70-80 years."

"I met my current girlfriend at a midnight game release It was destiny"

"Gardens (only clean joke I know) Why don't you tell secrets in a garden? Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk."

"A surgeon turns to his assistant, while operating, and says... ""Hey, it's the right or the left one?"" ""Are you serious?"" ""Just kiddneying!"""

"They say alcohol kills people. Lets not forget how many people were born because of it."

"Job interviewer: ""Why do you want to join the Secret Service?"" Me: ""It's a secret."" Job interviewer: ""You got the job."""

"A few years back dos Equis asked me to be the spokesperson for their beer. I told them I wasn't interested."