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Joke of the Day

"My therapist asked me, ""How would leaving twitter make you feel?"" I replied by asking him, ""How would switching therapists make you feel?"""

"Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months? Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years."

"There were three holes in the ground. Well, well, well."

"What happened when the chef found a daddy long legs in the salad ? It became a daddy short legs !"

"Is my kid an official US Citizen if she just talked about how good the ranch dressing at the Cheesecake Factory is for 10mins?"

"Paying for things with hugs Because it's legal tender."

"What did the policeman say to his stomach? Your under a vest"

"Why do all the ladies love Jesus? (spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this."

"We could save a lot of hassle if we just made macaroni out of cheese in the first place."

"How do you make Hitler cry? Easy just show him his gas bill."