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Joke of the Day

"Dentist switches lamp on: ""Now open wide"" Moth dental assistant: *repeatedly flies into bulb* Dentist: ""This has to stop Denise"""

"I'm going to a birthday party in Charlotte tomorrow... Hopefully the looting isn't over because I forgot to buy a present."

"You can lead a horse to water but it's pretty crowded there because of all the men you taught to fish in that other proverb."

"Can people using windows play games online with people with using Mac? Depends on the wifi at Starbucks."

"Idea: ""Celebrity Price Is Right"" where Gwyneth Paltrow guesses that loaves of bread cost $460"

"I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo."

"[bar closing time] Do you wanna come over to my place? Her (flirtatious af): oh yeah Ok hold on.. *dials phone* Mom? Can you pick me up now?"

"A man walks into a bar. Embarrassed, he dusts himself off, then walks around it."

"What did they call the suave printer salesman? Prints Charming"

"HER: why do you hate every single Hugh Grant movie? ME: i love love actually actually"