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Joke of the Day

"I thought I would be proud of sealing all the Christmas cards myself But the whole ordeal just left me with a bad taste in my mouth."

"What do burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant chick have in common? Some douchebag forgot to pull it out in time."

"When you put the punchline in the title... How do you ruin a joke?"

"I took my wife to Hawaii for our 25th wedding anniversary. You know what I did for our 50th? Went back and got her."

"Why did the drunk fall asleep at the wheel? He needed a place to crash."

"WIFE: what's the name of that girl you work with? ME: which girl? WIFE: the pretty one ME: I feel like this is a trap"

"I do this really cute thing, where if I walk by a car that has a stick figure family on their back window, I peel a kid off."

"""Bitches be crazy."" -dog therapist"

"I used to work at the factory that made fire hydrants. Couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"[SPOILERS]What was the main difference between the scripts for 'The force Awakens' and 'A new Hope' ? The title."