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Joke of the Day
"R.I.P water You will be mist!"
Next Joke
"My left butt cheek was hurting pretty bad earlier, so I asked my girlfriend to massage it for me. I told her... that I didn't want it half-assed."
"Tuesday, aka Monday 2.0"
"""Don't tell me how to raise my cat!,"" I yell at my 7 y/o daughter who's chastising me for baby birding a tuna sandwich into my cat's mouth"
"""Grow a pear."" - How to insult an apple tree"
"What do you call a Burberry Style Transforming Truck? Optimush Prime... Hahaaa."
"So I farted in an apple store Everyone got mad so I said too bad you don't have windows"
"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number, you wouldn't have heard of it"
"Sometimes the smartest thing you can do, is play stupid."
"How long does the perfect job interview last? Exactly as long as a blowjob takes."