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Joke of the Day

"New 10 dollar bill did you hear about the new 10 dollar bill with a women on it ? ... it's only worth $7.70"

"I've lost more friends to Candy Crush than Crystal Meth."

"Is it a blow job or a blowjob? Fuck I hate writing thank you cards..."

"Don't give the homeless money. They'll just use it on sharpies and cardboard."

"Chestnut. What do you call a nut on a chest? A chestnut. What do you call a nut on a wall? A walnut. What do you call a nut on a chin? A blowjob."

"Just saw a friend I haven't seen in 5 years ...he says: ""I still use your Netflix password!"""

"I went to the local library And found out that the post apocalyptic section has been shifted to current affairs after the us elections 2016"

"I cut butter with a regular knife and now it won't stop crying like a little bitch."

"Where did Saddam Hussein keep his CDs? In Iraq"

"Mickey is getting a divorce ""mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was...... extremely silly?"" ""no, i said she was fucking goofy"""