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Joke of the Day

"Let me tell you a joke about my dick... Nevermind, it's too long."

"The fancier the design on the back pocket of the jeans, the less fancy the person."

"Rabbit: I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I'm all out of carrots. What should I do? Friend: Don't worry; be hoppy!"

"Me: SORRY I HAVE TO HANG UP I'M HEADING INTO A TUNNEL * hangs up land-line *"

"One of life's great pleasures is to watch two idiots agree on something and then hear one of them say ""Great minds think alike""."

"It's ""aisle"" not ""isle."" If someone's on the ""alcohol isle"" that means they're in Jamaica, not at the grocery store."

"Give a man a fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of the night. Set a man on fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"Hey, websites, don't worry about me. I'll accept the fuck out of your terms and conditions."

"Why aren't cowboys circumcised? So they have somewhere to put their dip at lunch"

"Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It's only 3 digits & he said it's only for emergencies, but I know what he meant"