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Joke of the Day

"Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic"

"Argon walks into a bar. And the bartender says, ""We don't serve Noble Gasses in here!"" Argon does not react."

"When I m on a date... When I m on a date, I like to tell the girl that ""I m aviable for a limited time only"" In hopes that her shopping instincts will kick in."

"I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea."

"What do you call a Communist Mexican? A Gaucho Marxist"

"Why should you never run in front of a bus? You will get tired."

"The oldest joke in the world: ""How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?"" You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

"I have to say, I prefer audio books to written books I don't know why. I guess they just really speak to me."

"I just sprayed a mosquito... with mosquito repellent. Now he'll never have any friends."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean? Bob"