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Joke of the Day

"Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic"

"I'm thankful for my Twitter family. Without you people, I'd still just be talking to myself"

"My Dad asked if I wanted to go on a mountain climbing trip with him in Nepal, I said, ""Sher, pa"""

"Went in for a prostate exam... I asked the doctor where I should put my pants. ""Right over there with mine""..."

"What do you call a grandma without teeth giving you a blowjob? No denture adventure."

"Her: Why did you cancel your gym membership? Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with"

"You can tell that Donald Trump isn't Amish ...because he is terrible at building a Cabinet."

"What kind of physician works on a cruise liner? A dry doc."

"Policeman: Why are you driving that car in circles? Driver: I was just going for a little spin."

"If I had to lose any bodypart I'd lose my spine. It's really holding me back."