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Joke of the Day

"Me: Who could that be? It's 2:00 in the morning. Her: I don't know. Do burglars knock? Me: It depends on how they were raised..."

"I'm not usually vengeful, but when I am it's because someone gave my kid a whistle."

"How to make her squirt: make sure she is a lime"

"Doing crystal meth lowers your risk of dying from cancer... by raising your risk of dying from crystal meth."

"*cape flaps in the wind* Me: Are you ready to defend freedom for another day, Captain K? Mom: Quit blocking the fan and put the cat down."

"Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies."

"What did one loaf of bread say to the other? Weirdo."

"I play hard to get; if it's hard, you're getting it."

"Stablehand: Wanna hear a funny joke? Horse: Neigh!"

"Rules of Hawaii Going to Hawaii and wearing a plastic garland as opposed one made with real flowers is the best way to tell everyone else you're a cheap lei"