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Joke of the Day

"You can say what you want about pedophiles... but at least they drive slowly thru school zones"

"A naked man brushed his teeth next to me as I washed my hands. This is why I don't go to the gym often."

"Your clothes would look better accelerating towards the floor at 9.8 m/s"

"All I do all day is roll massive joints and deal with huge quantities of dope. Being a pipe inspector sucks."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He's not coming."

"What are your thoughts on monorails? They make decent one-liners."

"I like to put Aunt Jemima next to the Uncle Ben in my pantry. I'm hoping for a love connection."

"He only had a dollar... Did you hear about the guy who went to the dentist to get new dentures? His insurance was denied and he only had a dollar on him...so he wound up with buck teeth."

"My noisy upstairs neighbour reminds me of that person I killed next week."

"Just apologized to my dog for being a crazy person, and I could tell by the way she didn't respond that she's been thinking it for a while."