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Joke of the Day
"Home is not where you live, but where they understand you."
Next Joke
"Why was the hipster so successful in the stock market? He invested before it was cool."
"I promise to find a new girlfriend right away when my old girlfriend gets eaten by walkers. America needs a first lady."
"What do you call noodles that aren't spaghetti? Impastas"
"How do you make rude noises on the Internet? With a whoop e-cushion."
"Whenever I rely on gravity, it lets me down. Every single time."
"Just forgot the word 'bagel' and had to say, ""round toast donut."" I think I'm having a stroke."
"If I would brush my teeth as vigorously as the people in the toothpaste commercials do, my sink would look like a murder scene."
"Other parents do back-to-school pics of kids holding signs w/ their grade on it & mine are just a series of selfies w/ me & the bus driver."
"Oedipus teasing... Oedipus passes near the hill and sees Sisyphus rolling the boulder up that hill. Oedipus (to Sisyphus): How's it goin'? Sisyphus: Shut up, motherfucker."