9012

Joke of the Day

"I have a friend whose fetish is cashews. He's fucking nuts."

"Cop: What happened? Me: A Smart Car hit one of those little Fiats. Cop: Can you describe the accident. Me: Adorable?"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? The first side smelled bad."

"When I asked you for the punchline... ...I didn't think you were talking about polygamist domestic abuse."

"What's the same as an ocean rabbit? A C-hair!"

"INTERN 1: 6 in the Oval Office INTERN 2: 4 in the Roosevelt Room INTERN 3: 1 in the Lincoln Bedroom BIDEN: Okay, let's go catch some Pokemon"

"I'm just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy."

"What grazes in the Higgs Field? The Higgs Bison!"

"Told my 4 yo that his hamster died and that was in heaven with God. 4yo: Why would God want a dead hamster?"

"Did you know the world's first sniper was Mexican? He even inspired the Sniper motto. Juan shot, Juan kill."