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Joke of the Day

"Hey dad, the hospital called, patients are trying to rest, could you please turn down your television."

"I was getting a massage and I asked the masseuse if it was normal for a man to get an erection He replied that it was. So I asked if he could get it out of my face."

"What did Nicki Minaj, Hitler and a Feminist say when they walked into a bar? Ouch."

"They say there's safety in numbers... Well tell that to 6 million Jews"

"My math teacher insulted me He called me a third derivative"

"Sooo when my husband became a pool man I really thought the sex would get immediately better"

"Donald Trump is 69. Let's hope the death trend carries on. Third time's the charm."

"Police Officer Police officer: ""Can you identify yourself, sir?"" Driver pulls out his mirror and says: ""Yes, it's me."""

"Brain: no Heart: yes Foot: don't ask me I'm a foot"

"If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used."