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Joke of the Day

"Hey baby, you got an inhaler? Because you got dat Ass-ma."

"A guy is about to die Guy: How much time do I have left, doctor? Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what?! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years? Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5..."

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks between fits."

"I dropped my iPhone under the bed once so I get it, moms that lift cars off their babies, I get it."

"What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration"

"Apparently my uncle sold his soul to the devil for a cure for baldness. Now there's going to be Hell Toupee."

"Girl, do you want some good sex? Me- Girl, do you want some good sex? Her- No! Me- Then you came to the right guy"

"I went on a date with a girl from an online dating website... ... I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't."

"ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor FRIEND: I am. what do you do now? ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer"

"I respect the Secret Service They are the only law enforcement agency in the country that gets in trouble if a black man gets shot."