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Joke of the Day

"What colour does a smurf turn when you choke it? I don't know, I was too busy masturbating."

"Dentist: Did you deliberately loosen this tooth? Me: Why would I do that? D: ok...[extracts tooth & hands me a lolly] Me: *winks at camera*"

"It's really hard to be stealthy while carrying half a box of Tic Tacs. The more you know."

"How do you feel when there's no more coffee? depresso"

"{At funeral} *holding widows hand* I'm sorry for your loss. He had so much updog ""What's updog?"" *pats her hand* Not much what's up with you"

"Relationship status table for one but drinks for two."

"My friend would not believe Canada has a new prime minister It's Tru-deau."

"Back when I was a kid we stared at the wall when we took a shit and we liked it!"

"Do you know whats black on the bottom and white on top? Society"

"""My date was cute but he couldnt perform in the bedroom."" *cuts to me in bedroom butchering Wonderwall on guitar* i swear this never happens"