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Joke of the Day
"An interesting title Did you hear about the adulterous Amish woman? She was banging to Mennonite."
Next Joke
"After writing Revelations, John ask God... ""Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"" ""*No, by Trump/Pence.*"" ""Right, so trumpets."" ""*Fuck it, they'll figure it out.*"""
"People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father."
"Dogs that don't bark are the most dangerous of all They're woofless"
"I have no idea what Steampunk is except that it must be healthier than Fried Punk."
"""It's impossible."" said pride. ""It's risky."" said experience. ""It's pointless."" said reason. ""Ggrraadrttgrrtrr."" said Chewbacca."
"Some think the economy is slowly recovering. Others think it's on the verge of collapse. I think about boobs mostly."
"What does a fat girl and a pallet of shingles have in common? ...they both have a 90% chance of being nailed by a Mexican."
"[at the pet store] Me: I'd like a baby lizard please [later at home] Me: isn't he cute? Wife [heavily pregnant]: I said a baby monitor"
"I'm scheduled for a vasectomy next Wednesday, but I am a little worried. I hear it can make a vas deferens in my sex life."