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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a car with a license plate that says FLSH ME. Ok, douche. What are you, a dead goldfish? Flush yourself."

"I'm a pretty neutral guy. I find it hard to choose sides. I mean, I have an uncle who drives a truck for Pepsi and a cousin who sucks dick for coke."

"Scientists have spliced the DNA of a human with a sea cow. Oh, the humanatee."

"What is WILL.I.AM going to be called after he dies? WILL.I.WAS"

"Funny Pick up line... Add more plz -Whilst sitting in a nice car- ...hey baby want a ride in my ex wife's life insurance. ~~~~~~~"

"I guess the Republican party... ... **puts on sunglasses** Is not cruizing anymore."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Cold and bitter."

"Going to the gym is such a great workout. I never actually enter the building, but the walk there is nice. Sometimes I even walk back."

"What is the similarity between tight rope walking and an old lady giving you head? You don't want to look down."

"This vegan I met said she knew me But I'd never seen herbivore"