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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I moved to a new house. It's the only place I've lived where I can tolerate the neighbours. It's next to a cemetery."

"Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere."

"I hate what you've done with the place."

"What do you call saplings in the army? the infantry"

"When Pink Floyd sings, ""just another brick in the wall,"" it's a little bit demeaning to bricks."

"What do you call a door only used by prostitutes? Ho-dor"

"The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife."

"*pulls motorist over* COP: Are you high? MAN: If I were high would you look like a breathing tree? *one leaf silently falls from cop*"

"""Daddy, are we poor?"" Compared to the vast majority of humans on earth? No. ""Compared to my friends?"" Oh yes, sweety. As the very dirt."

"What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on."