87951

Joke of the Day

"I try to avoid buying into this ""Americans are stupid"" stereotype but, for fuck's sake......"

"When I die I want to go quietly, in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming and freaked out, like his passengers were."

"I spent the whole day cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean trying to find out where my son hides his weed."

"I have ebola. AMA"

"Listened to Korean Jazz the other day... It had two kinds of Seoul."

"Beyonce: Ok now ladies let's get in formation. Ladies: Information about what? Beyonce: Dammit, ladies, we went over this."

"*Bruno Mars on the radio* Wife: Would you catch a grenade for me? Brain: Just say, YES! Me: Has the pin been pulled? Brain: Idiot!"

"[job interview] interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years? me: that's a trick question there is no c in any of those words"

"friend: let's meet up soon me: *in the crow's nest of a ship docking outside your house* when though"

"/r/jokes/ wins Friend of the Planet award! for 95.001% recycled content."