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Joke of the Day

"""40 is the new 30!"" My dad always used to say. Lovely man. Banned from driving."

"the best part about kissing a girl is that fun little 30yr build-up right before it happens"

"I once attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt... I'll admit it was a waist of time."

"Donald Trump always looks like he's just opened a really hot oven."

"I never trust a Tom. They are far too often involved in foolery or peeping for my liking."

"The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor."

"What kind of water do ducks drink? Bottled Waddle."

"Which tornadoes are the most refreshing? F5 tornadoes."

"The ACLU has informed me that Mother's Day is too inclusive. So Happy Everyone Gay Pride AIDS Awareness Aboriginal Illegitimate Child Day!"

"In my office, I tried pushing the envelope... But it's still stationery."