87588

Joke of the Day

"I had a racing snail... To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish"

"Why can't anyone tell my dads fat? Cause he grew up in Pawtucket."

"What do you call a Blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant."

"How would I describe myself in three words? Eats anything. Beyonce."

"Why are proteins so bad at poker? They always fold."

"What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda? Civic doody."

"I thought up a color that doesn't exist... It's just a pigment of my imagination."

"I got high during detention today. The teacher made me do lines."

"Synonym is an antonym for antonym, but antonym is not a synonym for synonym. And I'm not even high or anything."

"Me: [sneaks off to lay by pool cuz kids are finally playing] 7yo: HERE I AM MOMMY SO YOU DON'T HAFTA BE ALONE Me: [sigh] Thanks bud."