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Joke of the Day

"Dating tip: don't mention your time as a Boy Scout, let your sash full of badges do the talkin."

"Knock Knock *Knock Knock.* Who's there? *This bagel is for.* This bagel is for who? *Whom. This bagel is for whom.*"

"I wonder if lining up beers in my refrigerator will ever stop being exciting."

"Nobody's abs are good enough to convince anyone to move to Iowa."

"Are shellfish warm? No they're clammy!"

"Go fuck yourself. It only takes a few minutes and it feels really good."

"A builder came up to me. He said, ""Do you know how to make a fruit stand?"" ""Yes,"" I said. ""You just have to balance it on a flat surface."""

"What did Cinderella say when say got to the ball? *choking sound*"

"Who does a dead pharaoh talk to? His mummy."

"Want to know how the Cold War was ended? It was with Robotussin and space heaters."