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Joke of the Day

"The earthquake shortened Earth's day by 1.8 microseconds, so don't expect me to get everything done this week."

"After the apocalypse, in cannibalistic Germany, ""Kindergarten"" takes on a new, darker meaning."

"I heard that wordplay was illegal. Apparently there is serious PUNishment."

"The 3 tragedies. The 3 tragedies in a man's life: 1) Life sucks. 2) Job sucks. 3) Wife doesn't."

"Do you think horses feel remorse? They have such long faces."

"""The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."" -FDR ""Exactly."" -everyone with anxiety"

"what do Hitler and Terry Fox have in common? they both couldn't finish a race."

"(NSFW) What did the haddock get covered in at the fish orgy? SALMONal fluid"

"A man asks his wife if he can cum in her ear... She says, ""No, I'll go deaf."" He says, ""Funny, I always cum in your mouth and you never shut the fuck up."""

"A man, his wife, his kid, and his dog all walk into a bar. *Ouch!* *Ouch!* *Ouch!* *Woof!*"