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Joke of the Day

"When I take pictures of cheese I yell ""SAY HUMANS!"" and me and the cheese laugh and laugh and then I binge eat and cry."

"ME: *robbing bank* More like, I'm BANKing on you not tripping the alarm! Haha! TELLER: Haha! COPS: *tackling me from behind* Haha!"

"What are the three words that men hate to hear during sex? ""Are you done?"""

"Gas companies LOVE this one trick to get more miles per tank! Buy a bigger tank!"

"TIFU I'm like a 4/10 and she was a total 9."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be silly, feminists can't change anything!"

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, but give a fish a man and he'll be like WTF is this I ordered worms I can't eat this"

"Who teaches you how to fart? A tutor."

"shoutout to Disney for giving me unrealistic expectations about love, talking animals and my singing voice"

"You don't have to write 'Twitter addict' in your bio. Your 58675687K tweets give it up by themselves."