8629

Joke of the Day

"Made plans to exercise with a friend and now I have to go get in a car accident."

"I got a blow up doll, that was Made in Baghdad Problem is... it blew itself up"

"I'm not a liar. I have an English degree; I'm an unreliable narrator."

"I hate when The Little Mermaid is all ""who cares no big deal I want more!"" Like, you already have 20 thingamabobs you aquatic scumbag relax"

"What's the pirate's least favorite letter? Dear sir, We are writing to you because you have violated copyright..."

"Don't like tipping bathroom attendants for merely handing me a towel. Maybe if he performed a service like wiping my ass I'd consider it."

"Why was the broom late? Because he overswept."

"John: There are places... Paul: I remember George: All my life, though... Ringo: How can antibiotics and pro-biotics both be good for you"

"Burger King employee: what size [drink] would you like? Me (thinking she said 'side'): fries. BK: What? Me: *more forcefully* fries."

"Opinions are like orgasms, mine matter most and I don't care if you have one."