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Joke of the Day

"Red cross: would you like to volunteer to give blood? Me: oh, no thank you, I already involuntarily give blood 5 days out of the month"

"Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do? Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly. ""Oh damn, shots fired!"" But not by the pizza guy."

"How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb? Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out."

"What's the opposite of the constitution? The prostitution."

"what's the difference between peanut butter and jam you cant peanut butter your way in someones ass"

"It makes me sad that the closest I'll ever get to 'hulking out' is splitting my trousers when I bend over."

"Did you hear about the escaped gang of Jamaican stabbers? Poky mon. Gotta catch em all."

"Thousands of people are attacked by sea creatures every year. We at BP are dedicated to bringing that number down. You're welcome!"

"Judge:""Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half Worm Mom 1:""Sure Worm Mom 2 :""Ya do it."

"ADELE: hello from the outside ME (closing blinds): a restraining order means nothing to that woman"