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Joke of the Day

"What's a zombies favorite exercise? Deadlifts"

"What did the survivor of cranial sodomy say to the police after the incident? ""At night when I close my eyes I can still hear them coming..."""

"What do you call a Deer with... No eyes?: **No idea** No eyes and no legs?: **Still no idea** No eyes and no legs, having sex? **Still f*cking no idea** And where do you find it? **Where you left it**"

"*one day before marriage* Parents: Don't talk to the groom. Don't see him. Don't think. *one day after marriage* Parents: BABIES, BABIESS!"

"I had a girlfriend with a parakeet. We had to break up cause it would never shut up. But the bird was cool."

"What do you call an owl who does magic? WHO-DINI"

"I said I was a man with a plan. I said nothing about it being a good plan."

"""I hope this makes them name a radioactive turtle after me"" Michelangelo thought as he painted the Sistine Chapel ""that would be hella rad"""

"I've been trying to figure out why I overslept today. Just realized drunk me set my calculator for $7.30."

"Her: ""Is that you in your avi?"" Me: ""No, it's a picture of me."""