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Joke of the Day
"Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie."
Next Joke
"Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac? Because they always take things... Literally"
"""We are out of oranges"" he said, fruitlessly."
"It's cruel that people make fun of the way Stephen Hawking talks. I use one of those voice boxes myself and can synthesise with him."
"Man: How did you compromise with your wife? Husband: She came to me on her feet. Man: and what she said? Husband: i was down to bad and she said come out, i will not say you anything..."
"What is Saddam Hussein's favorite band? My Chemical Romance"
"Weird; People in my office have started naming the food in the company fridge. Today I ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin."
"What's heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds."
"[My relationship with TV] There's nothing on. *watches nothing for the next six hours."
"You know how sometimes you destroy your house & instead of cleaning you're like ""Screw it let's just move?"" That's why we're exploring space"