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Joke of the Day

"BB8, are you hungry? No, BB8."

"(original) What hit song did Phil Collins write the after a big dinner at an Indian restaurant? I can feel it coming In The Air Tonight, Oh Lord!"

"God's last name isn't damn. Well technically it's ""Jean God Van Damn"""

"I shot a turkey for the first time today... Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen foods section."

"My cat rolled on my weed tray and now half my weed is stuck in her fur......Do I smoke my cat?"

"Take a day off. Pamper yourself. Visit a spa. Pour melted wax on ur body. Rip the hair out by the roots. Inject poison into ur face. Relax."

"Him: You're married? Me: Well, it's Thursday. So, yeah. Him: What about on Friday? Me: Depends how Thursday goes."

"You just HAD to let snakes and spiders on the Ark, didn't you Noah? Way to go, man. Way. To. Go."

"My friend took a whole bottle of chill pills and chilled himself"

"I place my finger on the police officer's lips. ""Shhh. Look, we were both speeding, ok? I forgive you."""