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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a piece of toast on the ceiling? An Ethiopian rave."

"Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the Ebola virus. What."

"What's the difference between an Armenian and a Gorilla? Just one hair."

"I tried fixing my vacuum the other day on my own... now it sucks even more!"

"Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? That's where you wash all your vegetables!"

"If that baby didn't want to be aborted it should have pulled itself out by its bootstraps like a real American"

"I think the doctors told me my blood type was A... but I'm not positive."

"Its me and my son's birthday next week so were doing a joint party. We've ordered a Tinkerbell cake for him, but she will be topless for me."

"Being successful is like getting pregnant.. ..Everyone will come to congratulate you but no one dares to ask how hard and how many times you were fucked."

"My sergeant just told me this... Im going to get an old car, take a sledge hammer to the back bumper repeatedly , then get a bumper sticker that says ""I brake for tailgaters."""