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Joke of the Day

"Hub: What time is our movie tonight? Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 ""Back off ladies. He's mine"""

"Why did the dog chase the bulldozer? It doesn't like Cats."

"What's E.T. short for? So he can fit in his spaceship."

"I hate it when strangers question me. I'm with my kid, & this lady goes, 'He's cute. Who does he look like?' I'm like, 'Your husband'"

"SON: Daddy, I keep hearing noises from my closet. I think a monster's in there. ME: Yeah, why do you think mom and I chose the other room?"

"The less you love a woman, the faster your hand gets tired."

"Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can never find home"

"My sex life is exactly like my shopping. I do it all online."

"I didn't want to believe that my dad was fired for stealing from the transportation department But when I got home, the signs were all there."

"What is the most fascist letter? Not C"