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Joke of the Day

"Where can I find that ""4 Out Of 5 People Get Money In Their Birthday Cards"" Birthday Card? I've been checking online with no luck, unless I'm checking the wrong place"

"[first date] HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs? ME: *scanning the menu* I don't even see them on here. What page are you on?"

"I don't know why some people are so against jokes about the Nazi's They kill in the Jewish communities"

"Babies are just like turtles, keep them in water and also feed them turtle food."

"The inventor of the calculator is one of the few people in life that actually made something that counts."

"Boss: you're late Me: traffic Carol: he was in his car taking selfies again Me: goddammit Carol, I will cut you"

"Bully: ""Hey, four eyes!"" Me: ""Don't you mean... fork eyes?"" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]"

"I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger... Then it hit me."

"The joke that made me subscribe to this subreddit: I love being bipolar. It sucks."

"What do you get when you cross Batman with Mountain Dew? Dew diligance"