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Joke of the Day

"Honey I won the Lottery. Overly exuberant husband came home. ""Honey pack your bags I just won the lottery!"" Wife; ""Where are we going?"". Husband; ""We are not going anywhere - get the fuck out!"""

"What do you call someone who lost an election by 2 million votes? Mr. President."

"Why does it seem like 90% of Redditors are hardcore liberal atheists? Because the conservatives are at work."

"A man was found dead under an ice-cream truck, covered in chocolate syrup and sprinkles.. Police think he topped himself."

"Everybody laughed at me when I said I was going to be a standup comedian. They're not laughing now."

"Why I hate 9/11..... I hate 9/11 because my cousins died doing their favorite thing... Flying Planes."

"Why do most blind folks not skydive? The sound of the dog screaming at 8000 feet gets to you after a while."

"Dolphins are the most philosophical of all marine mammals... They send most of their lives searching for a porpoise"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter;it's not going to come"

"What does a rich physicist wear? Joulery!"