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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend broke up with me today Now I guess I'm just somebody that she used to blow"

"[Morgue] Cop: Sir, I know it's tough but we need you to ID the body Me looking at corpse: *takes deep breath* Areare you over 21?"

"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."

"How come it's ok to talk to a stranger's dog on the street but when I ask for the dog's email I'm suddenly a weirdo?"

"The inventor of the Oxford Comma has died. Tributes have been lead by JK Rowling, his wife and the Queen of England."

"If your boyfriend doesn't buy you chocolates today, it's probably because he thinks you're fat."

"An illusionist was driving down the street and he turned into a driveway"

"Robin Williams. Did you hear about Robin Williams dying? They said it was arson but I doubtfire.."

"Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear. Also sorry for the shoddy manscaping."

"What is the scariest thing to read in braile? ""Do not touch"""