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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear. Also sorry for the shoddy manscaping."

"What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger."

"Girls wait for the perfect guy: Disney's fault. Guys wait for the perfect girl: Playboy's fault."

"A snowman and a snow-woman had a child... ...it had its mother's ice."

"*Takes off clothes *Enters meeting room naked *Coworkers gasp in horror *Slowly backs out of room [whispers] ""you said debriefing"""

"So I got rid of my gym membership... just didn't work out "

"What do you get when a cow has sex with coffee? Decalf"

"I start, but can rarely complete my paintings and sculptures, for I am a master of the partial arts."

"""Beep."" Zebra walking past a self service checkout."

"Sensei: always expect the unexpected *pulls out picnic blanket* Me: *instantly pulls out picnic basket* Sensei: *hands me ninja diploma*"