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Joke of the Day

"Why is a bride always out of luck on her wedding day? Because she never marries the best man."

"I always want to be friends with the people that need shopping carts at the liquor store. I bet those people are fun."

"Why does it take 100 mink to make a fur coat? Because they are lazy and have small hands!"

"My sister graduated from college over a year ago and is still unemployed... I found her sobbing on the couch so I asked, ""having an existential cry, sis?"""

"What do you call the process of a robot clearing its artificial nose? An olfactory reset."

"Why are mods the worst? [Removed]"

"Women think about sex every 7 seconds. Just not with you."

"Fun Super Bowl Game: Every time they show Ray Lewis on the screen, stab someone in your party and then deny it was you."

"Two days ago: omg, I'm so glad I found my watch, I'll never misplace it again! Today: *has zero clue where the hell my watch is*"

"Sorry I threw your baby but there was a spider on her."