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Joke of the Day

"date: so wat do u wana do next me: why dont we slip into somthing more...convertible [climbs into ferrari] date: omg wow is this ur car me: no"

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.... not screaming in terror, like his passengers."

"Why are vegetarians good in giving head? Because they are used to eating nuts!"

"Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms."

"I had my photo taken with REM yesterday. That's me in the corner."

"A horse walks into a bar and orders an N."

"Have you seen the movie Constipated? That's because it hasn't come out yet."

"What do French people do when vacationing in Laos? They go swimming in Laotian"

"INTERVIEWER: so what makes you qualified to work at comcast ME: *shows up four hours later* INTERVIEWER: you're hired"

"Like a good neighbor State Farm and I haven't ever spoken."